Archive for the 'Humor' Category

Engrish!! Japanese porn DVD edition

Aug 03, 2005 in Humor

We all get a chuckle out of Engrish, the bizarre and often hilarious mistranslations of Asian languages into english. Nowhere is this more hilariously apparent than in the world of Japanese porn.

For example, here is a text list of all the DVD’s sold by JList.com. (Not surprisingly, 90% of the titles are porn.) A few highlights:

  • We Will Help You with Masturbation
  • Speedy Changing Clothes of Amateur Girls
  • Group Hypnotism Convention
  • What would you do if all the females in the world were taller than you?
  • Torture my Ultra-lewd Bobbers!
  • Make a Guess of Boyfriend’s Penis!
  • No Bra Mouldering Bloomer Athletic Meet
  • Metamorphosis Lady with the Delusion Peculiarity
  • The First Addiction of Hitting Balls 2
  • Double Anal Trance DX
  • The Middle-Aged Woman who Put on the Body-Con Suit
  • Brain Shock Office Lady
  • The Wolf Hell in the Train, Bus & Toilet
  • All-Nude Rhythmic Gymnastics

World of Warcraft blog-type hilarity

Jul 27, 2005 in Humor

Once upon a time, I traded links with a blog called Martian War Machine. Recently, I checked my Bloglines account and wondered how the hell this feed for “Equinox the Nifty” got into my blogroll? (It became obvious once I looked at the domain.)

Equinox the Nifty is a very amusing series of illustrated “stories” created with screenshots from World of Warcraft. It’s much funnier if you actually play WoW, but still funny even if you don’t.

The Mysterious Man Known as Leather Oaks

Apr 14, 2005 in Humor

I came across this oldie but goodie on Cruel Site of the Day, and felt compelled to share it with everybody.

This is by far one of the most hilariously bizarre sites on the Internet. If you have an aversion to the sight of lanky, white-bearded men in tight, revealing fetish apparel with an artificially-enhanced male bulge, then go no further. If, on the other hand, you were wondering what it would be like if Santa joined the Village People, then go right ahead.

Leather Oaks is the story of a man and his obsession: leather, latex, and lycra, worn way too tight and always with that artificially-enhanced man bulge. Pages upon pages of hi-res photographs of the man modeling what he loves. I recommend the Christmas Card File and the Rubber Page.

I, by the way, do not share Leather Oak’s particular fetish, but hey, more power to him. I just couldn’t stop giggling.

The Incredible Popeman!

Apr 06, 2005 in Humor


Pope John Paul II has come back to life — as a comic book superhero!

The Incredible Popeman (El Increible Homopater) was created by Colombian comic book artist Rodolfo Leon, and the first issue is about to go on sale in Columbia and Poland. Along with the spiffy outfit featured to the left (with “anti-devil cape and chastity pants”), the Incredible Popeman’s toolbelt comes equipped with holy water, communion wine and a Bible.

In this page from the comic, apparently the first person the Pope meets in heaven is not St. Peter, but Superman.

According to the Reuters article, the artist also plans “to produce Incredible Popeman action dolls.” I’d like to make a few suggestions:

  • The Incredible Popeman Action Figure, with Crowd Waving Action! (For use with the Popemobile, below)
  • Another Incredible Popeman Action Figure that shoots real Holy Water! (Holy water not included)
  • The Incredible Popemobile, with turbo boost action!
  • The Vatican Action Playset

Redrawing the U.S. Map

Oct 13, 2004 in Humor

A proposed amendment in Colorado will allow the state to divide it’s electoral votes among the candidates, based on the percentage of votes won. A news headline on CNN Headline News reads “Dividing Colorado,” with a graphic of the state divided down the middle.

Maine already allows electoral votes to be divided, but hasn’t done so since adopting that system in ‘69. News reports have noted there are “two Maines,” the wealthy, liberal coastal area, and the poor, rural and conservative area.

So it got me to thinking: Why not just split up state boundaries based on rural/urban areas, so as to reflect the actual demographic makeup of each state? Colorado, for example, being only one of two states with a perfect rectangular shape, could be divided with an uneven line down the middle, and split into East and West Colorado. But of course, this would give us 51 states, and we’d have to change the flag. And frankly, “51 states” just doesn’t have the same ring to it as “50 states” does.

So, based on that idea, here are some other suggestions on how the current states could be divided and combined to give us an even 50 (or some other pleasant-sounding number).

  • South Florida should split from North Florida, for obvious reasons. The Florida Panhandle can be absorbed into Georgia and Alabama, where it belongs anyway.
  • California is too big. Why not divide it along the San Andreas fault, in anticipation of the time when the west coast of California becomes an island?
  • Texas is too damn big. Split the rural area of West Texas from the large cities of East Texas, and rename it Mexico.
  • Alaska can be combined with Canada (Wait, we don’t own Canada… yet). While we’re at it, let’s just give Northern Maine to Canada.
  • Rhode Island is too small. Let’s combine it with Connecticut. We can also combine Vermont or New Hampshire or South Maine, if need be, and rename it New England.
  • The New York Metro area has more people that most midwestern states. Split the rest of New York state from NYC Metro and call it West New York. Combine NYC with New Jersey, for that matter.
  • Combine West Virginia with Virginia to mitigate West Virginia’s bad reputation. While we’re at it, add Virginia’s coastal cities to Maryland. And since most every American corporation and credit card issuer is incorporated in Delaware, let’s abolish that state.

Add your ideas in the comments below.

pointless haiku

Aug 16, 2004 in Humor

poo on a bun is
not very appetizing
unless you’re a fly

The newest Fark cliche, bitch.

Aug 09, 2004 in Humor

I’ve noticed that nearly every informal mention of Rick James’ death — at least online, and especially on Fark — has been followed by the word “bitch.” Like, “Rick James died this week, bitch.” Yeah, it’s funny. We all recognize the Chapelle’s Show reference. And it’s already a cliche.

Let’s flog this dead horse a little bit more, and use it in non-Rick James related items. Like, “U.S. to Consider Sanctions Against Sudan, Bitch.” Or, “Metro Schools Taking Extra Precautions For Bus Safety, Bitch.”

Some programmer with a lot of free time should write a Rick James Generator, where you input a webpage and the output appends the end of every sentence with “bitch.” Just remember, I thought of it first.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Aug 05, 2004 in Humor

Bush: “They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.”

Global Schoolyard Rhymes

Jun 30, 2004 in Humor

The Sneeze has posted his tenth update of the Global Schoolyard Rhymes Project, a collection of bawdy children’s rhymes from around the world. A few of my favorites (translated to English):

Israel: A cat has shat on you, and poo is in your hands!

Russia: 1st person: Say “glue”
2nd person: Glue
1st person: Eat a can of boogers

South Africa: I see a tortoise on the path
I pick him up, he pees on me
I put him down, he does it again
Damn it!

No porn here. Go elsewhere.

Jun 21, 2004 in Humor

Another installment of that blogging standby, the Strange But True Search Terms! post (pRon edition). This blog came up during the following searches:

indie (rock) porn
homestar runner porn
handicapped porn
school teacher 70s porn
after prom porn
gary the retard pictures