Archive for September, 2005

Kiddie smut enticement or fat comic book geek porn?

Sep 28, 2005 in Humor

In the world of illustrated pornography, there’s your japanese hentai/anime stuff, the lowbrow Flash website stuff, the bawdy, crude Tijuana bibles stuff, the underground comix stuff, and then there’s this: A Hollywood lawyer might call it copyright infringement, but I call it a strange and unusual perversion of childhood memories — cartoon porn featuring popular (and copyrighed) animated characters.

  • There’s Cartoon Valley, which has an obvious Disney fetish. If you grew up on movies like Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast or Winnie the Pooh, this site will irreparably corrupt those cherished memories of your favorite characters.
  • What do you get when you cross Girls Gone Wild with the Cartoon Network? Toon Party, featuring what appears to be currently popular cartoon characters in drunken orgies. (Well, probably not Spongebob. He’s asexual. Besides, who’d want to do a sponge?)
  • Drawn Sex plunders the canon of American animation for it’s strange brand of smut.

There’s probably more, but you get my point. Somehow I think I lost a bit of my innocence seeing the Simpsons engaged in incestual behaviors.

MSNBC even did a two-part article on toon porn last year.

In an unrelated proclamation, I hereby declare Kanye West’s “Gold Digger” to be the “Hey Ya” of 2005. If you haven’t yet heard this scintillating slice of modern hip-hop, you soon will. And you’ll soon be sick of it too.

Katrina mayhem exaggerated and Amber Smith’s meth habit (or Don’t always believe what you hear at first)

Sep 27, 2005 in Uncategorized

It’s becoming clear that many of the tales of violence, rape and death that supposedly took place in New Orleans after Katrina was nothing more than exaggeration — rumors spread by a frightened and captive populace and reported as truth by government officials and the news media.

While it’s certain that people did suffer for far too long in NO, the worst of the stories we’ve heard are untrue or unsubstantiated. Piles of dead in the Superdome? They found six; three from natural causes, one suicide and one overdose. Rampant murders? Police so far have determined four homicides in the city. Rapes? None reported or substantiated. (That’s not to say that none took place, but the well-known story about the gang rape and slaying of a 10-year-old is very likely false). Even some widely-circulated reports of rude behavior by evacuees are unsubstantiated and contradicted by other accounts.

In another case of inaccurate assumptions comes the story of Amber Smith, the Atlanta woman who was held hostage by courthouse shooter Brian Nichols. Smith was praised by the media for diffusing the situation by discussing her faith with Nichols. She pulled out the book “A Purpose-Driven Life” and read to him a chapter from it.

The shocker? Smith reveals in her new book that at the time of her ordeal, she was struggling with a meth addiction, and had given her stash to Nichols. She even showed him a five-inch gash on her torso, which she suffered in a drug-related car accident. Luckily for Smith, the ordeal motivated her to kick her drug habit.

Exorcists, the Catholic Church, and Satanic Metal Madness

Sep 14, 2005 in Film

The Exorcism of Emily Rose, currently the top box office draw in America, claims to be based on a true story. Of course, whenever Hollywood claims a film to be based on a true story, you better know to take that with a grain of salt.

The real story behind Emily Rose is the exorcism of Anneliese Michel, a German girl from a devout Catholic family who was diagnosed with seizures and psychosis at the age of 16. Her parents believed she was possessed by the devil, and eventually managed to get the Catholic church to perform an exorcism. She died of pneumonia and malnutrition in 1976. Her parents and the exorcists were tried in court and sentenced to 6 months plus probation.

The Hollywood version, on the other hand, takes place in the Midwest and is more Law and Order than the Exorcist. Film critics David Edelstein and A.O. Scott dismiss the film as a one-sided battle between faith and secular science, with the supernatural winning out.

The case of Anneliese Michel was the last exorcism that was officially sanctioned by the Catholic church. While exorcism is something the church normally likes to keep mum about, interest in the practice has been increasing in recent years. In 1999, the Vatican updated the exorcism ritual, and a Vatican university is in it’s second year of offering a course on Satanism and exorcism. Currently, a convention of exorcists is meeting in Italy to which the Pope has extended his blessing.

Last year, a series of slayings by two members of an Italian death metal band called Beasts of Satan shocked and transfixed Italy. Among the victims was the band’s lead singer/guitarist and his girlfriend, murdered in 1999, and the ex-girlfriend of one of the killers, murdered in 2004.

In Catholic Italy, the case became a sensation, with details of purported Satanic rituals, imagery and violence appearing in the papers. Church officials and commentators saw it as an ominous sign of organized Satanism, with estimated figures ranging from 5,000 to as high as 600,000 practitioners in Italy.

Of course, there was no link to any sort of organized Satanism in the case. The band was obviously obsessed with the trappings of Satanism, but were otherwise simply a group of amoral, drug-addled youths who killed their own friends over petty disagreements. But the case has increased concern over supposed Satanic cults, and the Vatican’s latest forays into exorcism and Satanic studies are a response to the hysteria.

Improbable, or not?

Sep 13, 2005 in Current Events

Today, President Bush personally accepted responsibility for the slow federal response to Hurricane Katrina. In other news, unusual reports of a flying creature resembling a pig have been pouring into rural police departments across the country, and scientists have reported a sudden drop in the Earth’s core temperature. “It’s almost like hell has frozen over,” remarks one scientist…

Right now, I’m a little less angrier than I have been at our government. In the wake of Katrina, the institutions that were supposed to assist and protect our citizens against the horrors that took place had failed… miserably. The system, for whatever reason, had broken. I place most of the blame at our federal government, mainly for bureaucratically crippling FEMA and installing a politically connected incompetent as director. But heads have begun to roll. FEMA chief Michael Brown was forced to resign, our Fearless Leader has finally accepted responsibility, and the relief effort is going ahead at full speed.

However, the award for Assholes of the Year has to go to the Gretna, LA sheriff’s department, who refused to let hundreds of stranded tourists exit the city. The large group then formed a community and constructed a safe encampment on the elevated freeway, until the camp was broken up by sheriff’s deputies:

“From a woman with a battery powered radio we learned that the media was talking about us. Up in full view on the freeway, every relief and news organizations saw us on their way into the City. Officials were being asked what they were going to do about all those families living up on the freeway? The officials responded they were going to take care of us. Some of us got a sinking feeling. “Taking care of us” had an ominous tone to it.

“Unfortunately, our sinking feeling (along with the sinking City) was correct. Just as dusk set in, a Gretna Sheriff showed up, jumped out of his patrol vehicle, aimed his gun at our faces, screaming, “Get off the fucking freeway”. A helicopter arrived and used the wind from its blades to blow away our flimsy structures. As we retreated, the sheriff loaded up his truck with our food and water.

Verbal recollections from witnesses in the group were broadcast on NPR’s This American Life this past weekend. (Real Audio here, Act Two). Once things are cleaned up in Louisiana, someone in Gretna should be losing their job over this.